Apart from myself
Asleep in this dream
A violent peace
A void in day
Tell Me
Without me you knew nothing
Without you I was pretty
Without this I was happy
Worthless
For your information
He
Every night
Prisoner
Not a day goes by
Thief
Can you deny me
Lose Me Now
Lose me now
Lost in Deceit
Roses red with blushing beauty
My Sad Heart
Aye, me. My poor heart.
How Much I Love You
My love flows deep as the ocean
The length of the sky is too little.
If none of these can account for
Our Mountain
Up that great big mountain,
The thought of the peak of that mountain
The peak won't end our mountain.
The other side of our mountain
Burden Bearer's Prayer
In desperate need
Help him understand his needs
She's hurting bad
Help her understand her needs
Waste of Your Time
You spoke to me,
Our cries for help
I hoped in you,
But love is blind,
And now I ask
I was naive
But now I know
So here it is
A Little Goodbye
I'm a little bit on empty
I'm a little bit on lonely
I'm a little bit unnoticed
I'm a little bit unhappy
You're a little undeserving
Ode to My Sock
I spent the night
I looked and looked,
I thought I'd just lost you,
I promise to keep you
Away from this doubt
A visionary truth and you're alone
Awake in this world
A solitary crowd and you're alone
A serene war
A silent screaming and you're alone
A restless night
A blinding darkness and you're alone
With me you knew all
And now?
Tell me what you know.
With you I was ugly
And now?
Tell me what am I.
With this I'm enraged
And now?
Tell me what should happen.
you hurt me bad.
You broke my heart
after I trusted you with my all.
You cut my heart out
with a pair of dull scissors
slowly but surely,
steadily and painfully.
And as you cut
the very last piece
it began to fall towards you
but you simply laughed
as it fell at your feet.
As you walked away
you spat on my bleeding heart
and it stung
like iodine to a cut.
He drinks
Just enough
To become temporarily mindless
Of his broken heart
And his broken family
Until his drunkenness
Becomes a bandaid
Wrapped so tightly around him
That the throbbing takes his pain away
When I'm not hit
With the same thoughts
That kidnapped my mind
The night you decided
I was nothing.
Words like you spoke
Don't just slide away.
They strike and kill.
They break skin and fester sores
And they have captured me
From the moment they were spoken
And I cannot escape.
The thoughts I carry
Of a pure love?
Would you deny me
The thoughts I carry
Simply because
You know no pure love?
How is it that you can't see
That you have no control over me
Over my happiness
My thoughts
My existence.
I won't have it so.
I'm not yours for the taking
Or the leaving.
Decide what makes you happy
And go with that
But don't rip mine from my hands
Because it's mine for keeps.
Or you never will.
I don't give up
I don't disappear
And I won't be your trash.
If you don't want me
Say so now
Or you're stuck.
I'm not a toy
I'm not a yo-yo
I'm not a puppy on a string
And I will not let you make me into one.
If you don't want me
Leave me be now
Or hold me forever.
As you wish.
Just do it now
Because I can't be both
A reality and a memory.
but bound to deceit
by the thorns they bear.
A prick of flushed flesh
and a drenched wound
drips drops of rose red blood.
Muddled mixtures fall
as tears tear into
blood-bound barriers.
Reveal my wrath
but mind my meekness
when doubtedly I'm undecided.
Forgive my faults
but forget them not
or be breathlessly blind.
See me silently swinging
watching and waiting
for freedom from this life.
Beauty displaces itself
and all else is lost
and fault falters again.
A secret shadow silences
the screams of darkness
and its beginning becomes its end.
What sadness you incur.
Ne'er lifted above yourself.
Only dropped below to heated depths.
And for what?
Risking your love for a man;
a man who risks nothing for you.
A man who gives nothing to anyone,
yet takes all for himself.
And, my pitiful heart,
you were one of the chosen fools.
Your innocence has once again
proven to be your downfall.
My sad heart. My poor, pitiful, sad heart.
You'll never rise above this.
My heart is overcome by its waves.
You warm my soul with your smile,
and grace my life with your stay.
The number of stars not enough.
The bright of the sun cannot measure
My forever unending love.
the love I have for you,
Then imagine just how little
Any words I have will do.
Many trials we will face.
But all that doesn't matter
If I end up in your embrace.
is all we're dreaming of,
But when we finally reach it,
it'll scarcely be enough.
There's another side to climb.
But not so many trials,
For we'll go down this time.
is what we'll have left of our lives;
Our happily everafter.
Hand in hand we'll be just fine.
but not of me;
he's always known I'm here.
It hasn't helped;
He's still not free.
I hurt for all his tears.
are only met through You.
Help him run to You instead,
for God is always true.
and I can see
she wants to get away.
The road she is
considering
is one she shouldn't take.
are only met through You.
Help her run to You isntead
for God is always true.
whispered my name,
made me believe,
we were the same.
condensed to one.
While I was the moon,
you were my sun.
believed you could
make me someone
understood.
and I was too,
to let myself
believe in you.
just one last thing:
that back to me,
my heart you'll bring.
and gave it to you.
I even believed
you'd given yours too.
how stupid I was
and my guilty tears
turned your heart to rust.
in exchange for mine.
I'll no longer be
a waste of your time.
I'm a little bit worn thin
and I'd like to keep pretending
but I've reached the bitter end.
and my heart just wants to break
because the times you've said I love you
seem to be a little fake.
and it seems to hurt my soul
because you said that without me
you could never feel so whole.
and I'd like to say goodbye.
But I hate that when I say it,
I always want to cry.
of the tears that want to spill
but I'll say goodbye anyway
and this time it's for real.
with a friend,
I didn't think you'd mind.
But when I awoke
and gathered my things,
it was you I couldn't find.
I found your pal,
but still no sign of you.
It scares me so,
I'm not real sure
how to explain this to my shoe.
but after no trace
I figured you'd walked away.
I'm sorry I hurt you.
I wish you'd come back.
At least tell me where you lay.
right on my foot
whenever I leave home.
I sure could use you
to help me search more.
It seems, too, I've ticked off my comb.
This is an edited version of "A Little Goodbye". My friend Evan helped make some changes and has put music to it and is hoping to record it on his CD soon. I haven't heard the tune, but I feel his contribution to the lyrics was wonderful and I'm very excited that he felt compelled to ask my permission to record it. Evan, I could kiss you right now, but I won't hehe cuz I know you just got a girlfriend... but just know I think you're the best! Here it is, guys... the new and improved "A Little Goodbye":
i'm a little bit on empty
i'm a little worn thin
and i'd like to keep pretending
but i've reached the bitter end
i'm a little bit on the lonely side
and my heart wants to break
cos the times you've said that 'i love you'
seem to be a little fake
.for all the times you've drained me out and made me cry.
.for all the times you've belittled me, here's a little goodbye.
.a little goodbye.
i'm a little bit unnoticed
and it seems to hurt my soul
cos you said that without me
you could never feel so whole
i'ma little bit unhappy
and i'd like to say goodbye
but i hate how when i try to say it
i always want to cry
.for all the times you've drained me out and made me cry.
.for all the times you've belittled me, here's a little goodbye.
.a little goodbye.
you're a little undeserving
of the tears that want to spill
but i'll say goodbye anyway
and this times it's for real
this time it's for real
this time is the last
So Many Times
So many times I just sat by
So many times we had the time
I had the words to say
So many times I left you there
So many times I let the words
I had the words to say
Saturn's Rings
to look you in the face
the confidence you give
meet me on saturn's rings
i wish i had a clue
so just meet me up on saturn
meet me on saturn's rings
You're Still Here
It must have been hard on you too.
I can’t imagine sleeping next to someone
Did I do something so wrong?
But it’s not that simple is it?
And yet even if you wanted to,
Those last few days.
Don’t worry...
Disbanding
Sit here waiting,
Mental Cancer
It wasn’t me.
Walking home,
All of these poems have been copyrighted by Laura Henderson, 1999-2001.
To request the use of any of these, contact elby_skee@hotmail.com
wishing I could be
the one you thought of late at night
and couldn't wait to see.
to say what's on our hearts
but somehow we just let it go
and kept ourselves apart.
but something always got in the way
and all you ask is why.
What i need to know is
why you let me go on like this
if you only knew the times I've cried
for you.
and cried all kinds of tears
driving home through blurry sights
just wanting to be near.
stay stagnant in my head
but now you know exactly how I feel
my words were finally said.
but someone always got in the way
and all you ask is why.
What i need to know is
why you let me go on like this
if you only knew the times I've cried
for you.
and know that you're right here
it seems difficult to trace
the loneliness i fear
when you're not near
is exactly what i need
it's much easier to live
when you feel the urge to breathe
instead of bleed
the trip won't be that hard
for an angel with such white-washed wings
it isn't very far
meet me on saturn's rings
why it seems so long a war
but if it weren't for you
i'd have walked right out the door
never caring what's in store
and we'll take it bit by bit
while we break the droning pattern
and the chaos it permits
to the silence we'll submit
the trip won't be that hard
for an angel with such white-washed wings
it isn't very far
meet me on saturn's rings
night after night
for three years straight
an easy thing to leave behind.
Did I say something I shouldn’t have?
Please tell me.
I can change.
I would change.
Anything just to have you back in my arms again.
Back in my life.
I can’t call you back to me
just like I can’t command the sun to shine on me
for a million years.
Funny, it seems I can command the rain, though.
My tears flow so easily and steadily.
you couldn’t come back to me.
You didn’t leave just me.
You left everything.
You just left.
The rasp in your voice.
The distance in your eyes.
I asked if you were sad that you were dying.
You said “No.
I’m sad that I am leaving you behind.”
I asked if you were at peace.
You said “No.
How can I die knowing you’re all alone?”
You’re still here.
T.V. staring,
Wondering if
I’ve lost my hearing.
Don’t remember.
Were you leaving?
All these stories
My mind’s weaving!
Is she with you
My life sharing?
Such suspicions!
My heart’s tearing.
Can’t remember:
Are you caring?
All this distance
My heart’s fearing
I’ll walk in
And find you packing
Walking out
Because I’m lacking.
I’m not enough.
You’re unforgiving
And all these fears
My mind’s reliving.
I am certain.
My mind’s hunting
Ways that I
Could be confronting.
Pretty sure
That you’ll be leaving.
Might as well
Begin the grieving.
I’ll let go
With understanding.
So let me know
Why we’re disbanding.
I didn’t do it.
But I’ll always
Admit to it.
Seems you’re happy
When you blame me.
Seems to please you
Just to shame me.
Don’t know why
You like it so much
Watching me
Retreat from your touch.
Dodging blows
For things never done.
Wishing you
Would let things alone.
If I stand
Ever the stoic
Makes you angry.
Fists become bricks.
But if I cry
And shrink and cower
Letting you have
All the power,
You come back
And find your senses
Letting me
Put up defenses.
Say you’re sorry.
Won’t repeat it.
But my will
Is much depleted.
Scared of how
It might upset you,
I don’t move
Until you say to.
Tell me leave,
I feel so shaky.
Still I get up,
legs betray me.
I have fallen,
Clamber upright.
Fragile knees
I’m having to fight.
Surveying damage.
Bruises and welts,
One needs a bandage.
He thought this through.
All are hidden.
Seems he knew
Where to be hitting.
Maybe now
They won’t be asking.
I’ll just have
To do some masking.
Baggy shirts
And wear my hair down.
Do my best
To not be around.
Sanctuary,
I hide in my room,
Dreading when next
I’ll meet my doom.
He will beckon,
I will answer.
I am ill
With mental cancer.
“I am nothing,
I’m unwanted,
If I leave him
I’ll be haunted.”
Just can’t leave him,
He will find me.
Mental ropes
Were used to bind me.
Broke me down
Now I’m too tired
Can’t see what
I once admired.
I am sure
I’ve lost all trace,
Of former self,
She’s been replaced
By skin and bones
And shell and hollow.
He will call.
And I will follow
home